Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
