Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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