You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
