thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We smell like vodka and hangover
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