i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
