you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
