If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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