I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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