her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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