And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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