we made out on top of his cat.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
