wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
