My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize