Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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