hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
