Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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