when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
