if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
