I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
