I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You're a waste of cheezeits
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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