I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
