I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
