What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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