I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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