I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
