I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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