there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
