Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
