I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
