I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
