Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
