I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
