I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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