Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize