I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
