I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
