It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
