Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
