FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
