he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
