those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Randomize
