I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
