Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
