im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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