I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
