i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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