I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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