i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
