she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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