so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize