i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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