in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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