You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
