So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
