I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
