I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think I am morally bankrupt
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Houston, we have a blender
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
