Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize