you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Acid is not a monday night drug
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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