I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i think i just lost a toe
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
