sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
