he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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