you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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