Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
