Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize
