Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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