Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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